Bleach | Advent Soul

[Tsuyoshi_Tatsuo]

I know trislash posted a sticky saying AdHumans and Shinigami were closed until further notice. But I talked to him some and he gave me permission to post this and see what happens. He said on AIM he could confirm that he Ok’ed it.


:Name:: Tsuyoshi Tatsuo “Strong Dragon-man�

:Gender:: Male

:Race:: Advent Human

:Age:: 15

:Physical Description:: Tsuyoshi Tatsuo is often described with one word to other people about his looks. Weird. His bright red hair is just about shoulder-length, coming to spikes down at the bottom. It also spikes on his forehead, which is slightly large, and his bangs stop about 2 inches above his eyes. He is around 5’ 7�, with very broad shoulders, and has obvious muscle in his shoulders and arms. His legs seem a little bit shorter than most others his age, but they make up for it with large amounts of muscle.. His large, circular eyes are a strange shade of orangeish-brown, but they seem normal compared to his hair. His face is shaped like an oval, some people say oblong to be specific, with small, thin lips, and a small nose. His skin is slightly pale, but from a distance seems like peach colored. He has a 3-inch long scar on the front of his neck, near the jugular, from an accident he had involving a tree when he was 5 (The accident will be described in Background Information). His neck, which is long, but thin, mainly hides the scar, for his hair can fall around his neck. His posture has a slight hunch, for when he was young he always sat leaning forward.

:Personality:: Tsuyoshi Tatsuo can generally be described as kind person. He likes to help people as much as he can, but doesn't if it endangers his or his friends' safety. Tatsuo remains polite and calm in most situations, trying not to argue or fight. He really dislikes bullies for several things he'd been bullied about when younger, but he stays polite when he encounters any, for he also dislikes being called a hypocrite about how he is normally polite. The seemingly only time he is not polite is when he fights hollows. He doesn't start spewing curses or things like that, but just seems slightly ruder to them. He is slightly distrustful of strangers, for obvious reasons, but does not attack them or anything like that. He also thinks most fights and wars are unneeded. He's not quite a pacifist, for he will seek out hollows to destroy them. He seems a little cold to those who first meet him, but once someone become his friend, he will treat them very well, and seems quite happy and cheery. He forms a few friendships, but they are very close, as the one with his best friend is almost to the point of being brothers. Towards Shinigami, he shows a bit more respect, for he knows they shouldn't be disturbed from their duty when they're in the real world. He is wary of the Quincy and believes that Shinigami should be the main people killing hollows, but he knows Shinigami can't be everywhere, and he shouldn't be saying Shinigami should only do it, because Advent Humans also destroy hollows, and he is one.

:Clothing:: School Uniform: Tatsuo’s uniform is made up of a light brown button-up jacket, which he always leaves open, with a black tie, white button-up shirt, (that he buttons) same color light brown pants, and black sneakers emblazoned with his school’s logo. It’s the winter/fall uniform, but he wears it all year for the high collar.

Casual street and home wear: Tatsuo likes to wear mainly short sleeves, and isn’t very fond of patterns, except for a few shapes like spirals, triangles, and circles. His favorite shirts are a set of t-shirts and several different kinds of tie-dye, the one he wears when ever he can is a spiral that uses red, blue, black, and white as it’s main colors. He also has a black jacket he wears in wintertime, which has the characters of his name on the back. He is very fond of jeans, and wears them whenever possible. He has a few pairs of black sneakers he wears usually.

:Nationality:: Japanese, born in America

:Background Information:: Tatsuo has lived a very interesting life. He was born in a small hospital out in California, on April 12, 1992 while his parents were on holiday. His parents flew back to Japan the next morning so he didn’t get use to California and spent his time at their home in Japan. As a baby, he got into quite a bit of trouble, for writing on walls, playing in mud, and resisting baths. His parents tried to be soft on him, but still get the idea across of not to do what he did.

It took him until he was 5 to realize what he was doing was wrong, and finally started to behave normally after an accident. He was climbing a large tree in his backyard that he was forbidden to climb, for the obvious reasons of broken branches, and the bees that lived up there. His parents weren’t home, and he got to about 10 feet up, when a bee stung his arm. He screamed, let go of the tree, and fell all 10 feet into his neighbors yard after cutting his neck on a branch as he passed by. He landed in a rose bush, making him cry out in even more pain as the thorns poked his arms and legs. His neighbors heard him, and rushed out to their yard to find Tatsuo lying on the grass bleeding profusely, passed out from blood loss. He was immediately rushed to the hospital. The rose thorn wounds healed quickly, leaving no scars, but the one on his neck required 12 stitches. The stitches bothered him, thus he spent some time picking them out, causing another visit to the hospital. It left a large knotted scar that he was quite ashamed of, and missed the next month of school. When he felt ready to return, many kids stared at it and embarrassed him by asking what it was and what happened. He got very shy, until he met a boy his age named Shigeru. Shigeru was loud, told too many jokes, and talked too much for a 5 year-old. But Shigeru helped Tatsuo realize that being shy wasn’t going to get him anywhere, so he opened up, and made many new friends. His next few years of school went fine, and then, when he was 7, he encountered his first bully.

He was walking to lunch on the first day of 2nd grade, and the biggest kid in class, a foreigner from America named Arnold, demanded his lunch money. Tatsuo was confused why, and refused. He thought he had the situation under control and started to walk away, and then Arnold punched him in the face. Tatsuo hit the ground, tears falling down his face like rain, and Arnold laughed at him telling him if he didn’t give him his money, he’d hit Shigeru too. Tatsuo got very angry with him, got back up, and kicked Arnold as hard as he could in the groin. Arnold screamed in pain, fell over sobbing, and teachers came running over asking what happened. Both Arnold and Tatsuo were suspended for 3 days, but after that, Arnold never bothered Tatsuo or Shigeru ever again. Then, when he was ten, he had many friends, and they were all very close, and some of the popular kids and bullies started calling him gay. He was horribly upset by this, because the girl he developed his first crush on, Maiko, called him gay whenever he passed. He became very depressed, and the name calling continued until he was eleven; when he put a stop to it himself.

At recess one sunny day, when he was playing tag with his friends, several bullies came up, and started to call him very mean names that eleven year-olds shouldn't be saying, and that was when Tatsuo snapped. He walked slowly up to them, glaring at them, and as soon as he was in range, hit the first one in the kidney with surprising speed. The kid was down, and the other two started to run. Tatsuo picked up a rock, pegged one in the leg, caught up to him, tripped him, then used him as leverage to jump on top of the last one, punching until he had a black eye. Kids began calling him monster, freak, and demon behind his back. He got used to it, and began trying to be as nice as possible, helping others with homework, not hitting people, and he eventually regained his reputation as a nice kid by the time he turned 13. At the age of 14, Shigeru told him he could se ghosts. Tatsuo didn’t believe him at first, but slowly realized he may have been telling the truth when he started seeing outlines of people that Shigeru talked to that no one else saw. He also started to feel some weird sort of feeling when Shigeru came near, and Shigeru said the same thing about him. Surprisingly, Tatsuo had the same feeling, except much stronger, when he was near his dad. The spirits became clearer and clearer over time, and 2 weeks before his 15th birthday, he saw his first hollow. He was walking home from school, and he saw a weird rip appear in the air about 50 feet away, and a weird crab-like creature come out of it. Tatsuo froze in place at the horrible feeling he got when it looked at him, but then it turned and started moving the opposite direction. He bolted home as fast as he could, and had several dreams with the creatures attacking his friends and family, waking up in a cold sweat every time, glad it wasn’t real. Then, on the night of his 15th birthday, walking home with Shigeru from Shigeru’s house, he saw another one of those creatures.

Lizard-like in appearance, it turned to face them both, and started running at a surprising speed towards them. Tatsuo and Shigeru both stood completely still as the familiar feeling of evil seemed to envelop them. As it came closer, Tatsuo felt strange. Different. In his head he kept seeing a huge red western dragon, roaring loudly. He focused on the dragon, being filled with courage and strength. He felt his body change as bright red scales spread over his back, onto his arms, and he saw his arms lengthen about 4 inches, large black claws grow out, and his eyes turned yellow and got cat-like slits for pupils. The creature stopped, surprised at what had just happened, and Shigeru was completely speechless. Tatsuo wondered if the claws worked well, and he charged the creature, slashing at its leg. The leg came partly off as he passed, and he smirked as he realized he wasn’t helpless anymore. He went back towards it, aiming for the head, and his claws bounced of the mask when he tried cutting it. It laughed at him, and it came up and slapped him with its tail, almost knocking the breath out of him. Shigeru ran to help him up, and the creature charged once again. Tatsuo frowned, and he started to back up, when he saw the red dragon is his head call him a coward. He stood still ad the creature came closer, and when it was right in his face, Tatsuo slipped all of his claws behind the mask, put his foot on the things chest and pulled. The creature clawed him several times, but Tatsuo didn't let go. Eventually the mask came ripping off when Tatsuo pulled as hard as he could, and the creature screamed as it disintegrated and disappeared. A man in black appeared holding a katana, looking around confused. He said, “I swear there was an order here…� He turned around, and he noticed Tatsuo’s arms. “What the hell!?!� Tatsuo raised his right arm up, pointed it at the man in black, and it started to glow red and flames appeared in his hands. It startled him, but he figured it was more of his power. “Who are you and what are you doing here?� The man in black pulled a butterfly from his pocket, released it into the air, and a portal appeared.

The man disappeared into the portal.
When he got home, Tatsuo went to his room to think about what happened. His dad walked in, and asked what happened that night. Tatsuo was confused, but his dad revealed himself as also being an Advent Human. He explained the Soul Society and Hollows to Tatsuo, and has helped Tatsuo learn more about his powers since, for example, controlling his fireball and earthquake powers. HE currently is residing in Yumekoto, waiting for some new hollows to appear to fully learn and control his powers.

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:Manifestations::

Description: Tatsuo’s reiatsu manifests into bright red scales, starting from his lower back, coming up and covering his shoulders and arms. Where the scales appear, that part of Tatsuo’s body becomes more muscular, the arms gaining black claws 3 inches long, sharp enough to cut through a hollow’s flesh and mask, after his arms’ overall length growing a total of 5 inches.

Effect: Tatsuo’s manifestation grants him several powers. It enhances his strength so he can lift around 25o pounds, and his punches can crack walls and streets with enough force. Also, focusing some reiatsu into his arms, he can create small fireballs.

Fireball: Made up of Tatsuo’s reiatsu, these fireballs form in the palm of his hand, growing to a total diameter of 2 feet around, and they can fly forward at 30 mph to a length of 40 feet. In this level 1 form, they can be simply cut away by any zanpakutou. Tatsuo currently has enough reiatsu to use this move about 6 times consecutively within a 12-hour period.

Earthquake: By focusing his reiatsu throughout his entire arm, Tatsuo punches solid ground, which is pavement, street, metal of some sort, hard packed dirt, rock, and causes a minor earthquake within a 40 foot radius. All within the radius are affected. This move can be used to break something, for example a steel wall, an unseated officer’s zanpakutou if grabbed, or if used on a person, can have horrible effects on the internal organs. It would break several bones, perhaps rupture a lung. Only usable once per day, and even then only if Tatsuo has had at least 8 hours of sleep, due to the huge amount of reiatsu drain. Once used, Tatsuo immediately falls unconscious.

Tough Scales [Passive]: The scales on Tatsuo’s arms and body are strong enough to stop zanpakuotu’s of Shinigami under 15th seat. Anything over that seat can cut through the scales normally. Exception: If one is not over 15th seat, but has the reiatsu level of one or higher, they too can cut through them. The scales are not very effective on any attacks other than physical ones.

Manifestation Level: 1

[Blueorchid]

Alllrighty then. With chocolate and soda in hand, review time is go! >_>;;

Name: Well…using my dictionary I really can’t see where strong-dragon man comes out of that, but I’ll run with it because I see similar words. So hell maybe I just have the wrong verb tense.

Gender/Race/Age: Good.

Physical Description: >.> Yeahh…I’d say he is weird looking alright. The description is excellent but I do have a slight problem with the fact that he has such a huge upper body and weak legs. No kidding he’d have a hunch…physiologically he’d have a real big hunch. Can we please add some muscle tone there so I’m not seeing the hunchback of Notre Dame?

Personality: You really have some conflicting stuff here. So I get he’s a boyscout helpful kid who has a passion for hating bullies. Yet he tries to befriend complete strangers…well if they’re complete strangers that happen to be bullies…then what does he do? Not to mention if he has a tendency to let his guard down…how can he be this lean mean fighting machine? And I don’t see how he can have such tight friendships if he makes friends with complete strangers.

I’d scrap and redo this part. In a personality we want a clear definition of your character…but that doesn’t give you a free for all to toss in anything you want. Pick a few things and stick with them. I also want to know his likes and dislikes in this section…I know he enjoys beating up bullies but does he like fighting? If so, why? Browse around in the game info section and check for an interesting personality guide, it might help you out. I also want any sort of opinions he has on spirits/shinigami/other humans with powers listed here if applicable.

Clothing: Aside from editing “the high collar� (you’re missing a letter there) the school uniform is fine. However…in his regular clothes…0.o ZOMG he wears no pants!

And last time I checked, spirals were patterns so you need to fix that. The tie-dye part is fine…good to see the Grateful Dead lives on in Advent Soul. But please, add some pants and shoes in the regular wear…

Background: Definitely a few things here I need to call to attention.

First of all…he was born in California…but no one seems to know why. I want to know…Were his parents on a business trip? Holiday? Did they just feel like they needed to go and have a baby in California or did they live there for some time before moving to Japan? If that’s the case, Tsuyoshi is a foreigner just like Arnold.

Next, you really need to lessen the height of his fall from a tree. Thirty feet would easily kill someone if they landed the right way, you’d have a broken neck at the very least…not just a scar and some bleeding.

I also really don’t appreciate the language used in here. Yes I know eleven year olds are a huge pain. I know he was called names. I don’t want to hear them explicitly in your application…it degrades the writing. Sure, he and Shigeru were best friends…they made cracks at his sexuality…doesn’t mean I need to hear exactly what was said.

You also have written in his background that he suddenly starts stopping bullies without beating the snot out of them yourself. This goes back to the personality section, make sure it fits in with the story.

Lastly we get to the powers…I’m fine with the whole ZOMG I can see ghosts and now Hollows are appearing out of nowhere. But the first time he uses his manifestation, he shouldn’t be ripping through Hollows. He’s only level one…and a huge noob in that sense. He would be able to injure it perhaps, but the shinigami would probably need to finish it off. I also kind of want to see you elaborate with his father being an advent human. In sensing spirits and Hollows, Tsuyoshi would also be able to tell that his father had a different “feel� to him than most normal adults. Tsuyoshi should be able to notice he and Shigeru had this same sort of thing (seeing as he wouldn’t know about reiatsu) as well.

Manifestation: Mmmm…these powers are…borderline okay. If you didn’t have the restrictions there (ie the fireballs six times) I’d have a problem but you have put some thought into the whole thing. (Thank god…not another powergamer! TuT) Right now I’ll say they’re good but make sure to keep those restrictions in mind when you’re in an actual fight.

And that’s that. You have a good start here, I like certain points of this application very much. But you do need to make a few changes, so keep the comments in mind and let us know when you want someone to look over it again. If you have any questions feel free to IM or PM me and otherwise, good luck!
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Neela Gadepalli- Carpe Diem
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EnkouKitsune04: before this series is over.... I wouldn't be suprised if every person in the class gained full AdH powers... >.>

EnkouKitsune04: Keigo: "UBER OTAKU DENIAL SKILLZ!!!"
EnkouKitsune04: Tatsuki: "HIYAAA!" *CRUNCH*
EnkouKitsune04: Mizuro: *Pick up Hot chicks!!!*
juuhachi43: XP
EnkouKitsune04: Chizuru: *CENSORED FOR THE GOOD OF JAPANESE TELEVISION*
juuhachi43: XD

[Tsuyoshi_Tatsuo]

Okay. I will reowrk all those changes you suggested fix some stuff, and yeah. I've got some chores to do currently, but they'll be done soon.

[Tsuyoshi_Tatsuo]

Sorry for the double post, but It's all done now. I changed the background like you said, I redid personality including somethings he dislikes, also how he acts towards Shinigami, Quincy, and hollows, added pants and shoes to his casual clothing (Can't believe I forgot that at first), and I double-checked that I got everything you said.

[EdofDoom]

Please proofread the spelling errors and such. Thank you!
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Flarelord Fenix (12:38:26 PM): Crabs
Flarelord Fenix (12:38:28 PM): I love them
EdofDoom (12:39:12 PM): Wow
EdofDoom (12:39:13 PM): Best
EdofDoom (12:39:16 PM): Out of Context
EdofDoom (12:39:18 PM): Quote
EdofDoom (12:39:19 PM): Ever

[Tsuyoshi_Tatsuo]

I found a few minor ones, and I fixed 'em. See anything I didn't catch on Word?


EDIT: When I read that sentence in my head, it sounded kind of obnoxious. I didn't mean it that way, and I was just asking it, because if I made those mistakes I didn't catch while writing it, then I thought I might have missed a few things.

[Tsuyoshi_Tatsuo]

Woah, when was this moved?